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Control disguised as Concern: Ways to untangle from codependent themes in relationships

Writer's picture: Beth TellezBeth Tellez


Relationships are meant to be fulfilling, supportive, and balanced. However, when codependency takes root, relationships can become enmeshed, draining, and emotionally exhausting. Codependency is a pattern of behavior where one person’s self-worth and identity become overly tied to another person’s needs, emotions, or approval. Over time, this leads to unhealthy dynamics that can impact mental and emotional well-being.

If you find yourself feeling overly responsible for someone else's happiness, struggling to set boundaries, or losing your sense of self in relationships, you may be experiencing codependent patterns. In this blog, we’ll explore the root causes of codependency, how it manifests in daily life, and ways to cultivate healthier relationship dynamics.


Friends gathering together
Relationships can be fulfilling and balanced!

Understanding the Root Causes of Codependency

Codependency often develops due to early life experiences and learned behaviors. Some common root causes include:

1. Childhood Trauma and Dysfunctional Family Dynamics

Many people who struggle with codependency grew up in families where emotional needs were not met, or where they had to take on the role of caretaker. If a child is raised in an environment with addiction, neglect, or emotional unavailability, they may learn that love and approval are earned through self-sacrifice.

2. Fear of Abandonment

People with codependent tendencies may have a deep-seated fear of being abandoned or rejected. This fear can drive them to prioritize others’ needs over their own in an attempt to secure love and connection.

3. Low Self-Esteem and Lack of Boundaries

A lack of confidence in one’s own worth can lead to a pattern of over-giving and people-pleasing. When someone has difficulty setting boundaries, they may feel responsible for solving others' problems, even at the expense of their own well-being.

4. Learned Behavior from Caregiving Roles

Some individuals develop codependent tendencies because they were placed in a caregiving role early in life, a concept called parentification. If a child had to emotionally or physically care of a parent, sibling, or loved one, they may carry this dynamic into adult relationships, feeling responsible for fixing or rescuing others.



Woman exhausted and overwhelmed
Codependency can be draining, and limit your life.

The Dynamic Between an Enabler and a Dependent Person

Codependent relationships typically involve two primary roles: the enabler and the dependent person (or the one being enabled). These roles reinforce each other in unhealthy ways.

The Enabler

The enabler is the person who takes excessive responsibility for another’s problems, emotions, or well-being. They may:

  • Constantly try to fix or save their partner, friend, or family member.

  • Feel guilty when prioritizing their own needs.

  • Struggle to say “no” and set healthy boundaries.

  • Make excuses for the dependent person’s harmful behaviors.

  • Gain self-worth from being needed.


The Dependent Person

The dependent person relies on the enabler for emotional or practical support, often to an unhealthy degree. They may:

  • Avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

  • Struggle with independence and decision-making.

  • Manipulate situations (consciously or unconsciously) to keep the enabler engaged.

  • Feel helpless without the enabler’s support and external reliance on their emotional needs being met.

  • Use guilt or passive behaviors to maintain the relationship dynamic.

These roles can create a cycle where both individuals reinforce each other’s behaviors, making it difficult to untangle from unhealthy patterns.


How to Identify Codependent Patterns in Your Life

Codependency can show up in subtle and obvious ways. Here are some signs to look for:

✅ You feel responsible for other people’s emotions and well-being.

✅ You struggle to express your own needs and desires.

✅ You fear rejection or abandonment if you stop people-pleasing.

✅ Your self-worth depends on being needed or appreciated.

✅ You have difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries.

✅ You feel anxious or guilty when saying “no.”

✅ You attract partners or friends who are overly reliant on you.

✅ You sacrifice your own well-being for the sake of keeping peace in relationships.


If any of these patterns resonate with you, know that you’re not alone—and that healing is possible.


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Healthy love requires boundaries!

Untangling from Codependency: Steps Toward Healthier Relationships

Recovering from codependency takes time, self-awareness, and a commitment to change. Here are some ways to start cultivating healthier dynamics:

1. Develop Self-Awareness

The first step in breaking free from codependency is recognizing when and how it shows up in your life. Journaling about themes identified, self-reflection, and talking with a therapist can help you identify patterns that need to be addressed.

2. Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. Learn to say “no” without guilt and recognize that it’s not your job to fix, rescue, or carry the emotional burdens of others. Learning ways to trust others and yourself to make healthy decisions is a game changer!

3. Shift from External Validation to Internal Validation

Practice self-love and self-care and then normalize it! Instead of seeking validation from others, focus on building a strong sense of self-worth that comes from within. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice self-compassion, and remind yourself that you are enough. Once you believe it, you change the way you show up in relationships.

4. Refrain from Over-functioning in Relationships

Let others take responsibility for their own choices, emotions, and behaviors. It’s not your role to manage their lives or solve their problems. You can learn to be ok with other people having emotional experiences about their decisions. You can care, without care-taking.

5. Seek Support and Professional Guidance

Healing from codependency often requires outside support. Therapy, support groups (such as Codependents Anonymous), and counseling can provide the guidance and tools needed to break unhealthy cycles.


Couple embracing and laughing together
You deserve healthy parameters in relationships!

Seeking Help: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Recognizing codependent patterns is a courageous first step toward healing. If codependency is interfering with your relationships and overall well-being, our counseling clinic is here to help.




We offer compassionate and professional support to help you:

✔ Build self-confidence and self-worth.

✔ Develop healthier boundaries.

✔ Shift from codependent behaviors to interdependent relationships.✔ Improve emotional well-being and personal fulfillment.


If you’re ready to take steps toward healthier, more balanced relationships, reach out to us today. Our team of therapists is here to support you on your journey to greater self-awareness, empowerment, and emotional freedom. Email us at [info@creativenwa.com] to schedule an appointment. You deserve relationships that uplift you, rather than drain you.


Let’s work together toward a healthier, happier you. Untangling from codependency is a journey, but with the right support, you can cultivate relationships that are based on mutual respect, love, and balance. You are not alone—help is available. 💙

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