Adult Friendships: Where are my people?

Remember when making friends was as simple as showing up to recess with a Fruit Roll-Up and a smile? As adults, the process feels a bit more complicated: "Do I text them? Is that too much? Will they think I’m awkward if I suggest coffee? Are we building a friendship, or is this just ongoing small talk?"

Attempting to establish adult friendships can feel awkward and even overwhelming, but you’re not alone. Let’s explore why they can be challenging—and how to create deeper, more meaningful connections so that you can have the sense of belonging you deserve.

You deserve meaningful relationships!

Reason #1: We’re All Managing a Lot

Jobs, mental health, family obligations, never-ending to-do lists, social commitments—our calendars are packed, and our energy is often limited.

Try this: Prioritize low-effort connection points. Think short walks, brief video calls, or running errands together. Friendship doesn’t always require a big event.

Reason #2: Our Social Skills Get a Little Dusty

Crafting a simple message can suddenly feel like preparing to write a speech. For many adults, reaching out to folks we don't know very well can feel awkward and intimidating.

Try this: Lean into the discomfort. Someone has to take the first step, and vulnerability—though uncomfortable—is often the start of real connection that may become easier as you go along!

Reason #3: Past Experiences Shape Our Openness

Friendships that faded, betrayals, or even just the natural drift of time—these all shape how we approach new relationships.

Try this: Give yourself and others grace. Not every interaction needs to lead to deep connection right away. Let things unfold organically and see how things go!

Reason #4: Our Lives Look Very Different Now

Whether it’s parenting, career changes, or just differing lifestyles, adult lives don't always align neatly. That can create barriers to shared time and experiences.

Try this: Embrace the diversity of schedules and life stages. Flexibility and creativity in planning are key to keeping connections alive. Grab your calendars and make it happen!

How to Build Friendships as an Adult (Yes, It’s Possible!)

Meaningful adult friendships can happen—they just require some intention and a bit of healthy risk-taking. Here are practical ways to get started:

1. Be Consistent – Regularly showing up to a group, class, or community event helps build familiarity and trust.

2. Be Proactive – Don’t wait for someone else to reach out. Initiate a casual coffee meet-up or quick walk. Most people appreciate being invited.

3. Go Beyond Small Talk – Try asking meaningful questions like, “What’s something you’ve been excited about lately?” or “What’s your ideal way to spend a weekend?”

4. Follow Up – A simple message saying, “I really enjoyed talking with you,” or, "I hope we can get together again soon," helps build connection and increases the likelihood of keeping the connection going.

5. Express Your Intentions – Let people know you're looking to build genuine connections. It’s not desperate—it’s honest and refreshingly direct.

Final Thoughts: Adult Friendships Take Effort—And They’re Incredibly Worth It

Forming meaningful relationships are worth it!

If building or maintaining friendships feels difficult, know that you're not alone. These challenges are part of the adult experience—but connection is still very possible.

Therapy can help you identify the barriers that might be standing in your way and offer tools to build relationships that truly align with your values.

Reach out. Let's make meaningful connection feel possible again.